piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
