I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
