went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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