the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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