Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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