dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
