My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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