Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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