her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
