Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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