As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
