You smell like stripper and shame
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize