Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
