So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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