You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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