adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
