TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
