Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
