What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
