and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
