I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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