what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
