wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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