i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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