we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
