I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
