so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
