it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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