Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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