My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
