hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
