I heard we made out
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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