You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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