I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
