Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
