btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize