don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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