you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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