he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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