went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
