My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
