So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
