i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
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Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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