Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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