We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
