i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
