I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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