I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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