I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
