why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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