Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
