can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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