The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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