he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
high people should be assigned attendants
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Shame is for Republicans.
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