So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
