we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
