Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
