TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
