she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
