Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All the doctor said was why
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
