"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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