I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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