sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
