you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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