Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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