I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
