walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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