dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
